and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
