Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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