Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
