Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
