There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
