So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
