Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
