Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
