how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
