I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
