Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just found a bag of teeth...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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