bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
