Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
