I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I'm really busy with my period
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