I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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