My pussy is not your playground.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
