She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
