I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
