I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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