He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
