So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
