Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
