Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
