she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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