I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
