you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
