You work out of a Hotel?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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