went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
