like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize