your room smells of hookers.
And success
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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