Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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