I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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