I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
