I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
BRING THE BAGELS
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
