Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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