I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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