I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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