he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
