If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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