apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
