I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
