Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
