True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
