plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if only i could text you this smell
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Randomize
