Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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