Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
