Kiss
Puke
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize