well I can't set my house on fire every night
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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