I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She bit a glass in half.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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