hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
