Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
