I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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