I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just want to make out with him forever
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
