so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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