im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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