You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
