If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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