Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
