I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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