if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
