He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
