u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
