i permit you to call me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
