You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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