girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
