you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
do nipples grow back?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
