Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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