hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
