So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
