flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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