I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
