Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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