I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
