Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
