i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize