$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
