i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
is wine microwaveable?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
