I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i barfeds in our rink
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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