"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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