dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
