that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
