It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
