So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
