she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
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