The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
