I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
