Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Terrible idea I love it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
