i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
