I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
